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I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize