you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
