my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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