I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
