i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
