oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
God, you're like boner-b-gone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
