I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
