Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
