Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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