The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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