I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
