Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
