May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
