he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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