So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
