she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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