Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize