Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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