Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize