Cold hands, warm shart.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
