just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
