goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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