The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
