my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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