I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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