I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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