just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
