She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
