Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize