so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
