He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
