She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
