sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
