If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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