she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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