marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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