Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
