you guys were way drunker than both of me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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