I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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