if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
