Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
