Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
