My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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