You're so nebulous sometimes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
