i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
