Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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