Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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