oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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