Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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