im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
