I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
never play flip cup with pint glasses
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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