paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
