oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
