I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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