haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
