She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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