I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize