It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
no, he came in my armpit
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
