take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
