i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
