i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
