the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
