I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
