you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
