Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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