I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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