smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
